I am generally suspicious of people who claim that someone can simply exercise self-control or make a choice once and be done with it. I find it difficult to trust people who think they are always in control or have everything figured out. If it were up to me to forgive everyone, I would have to admit that I am a failure. To say that I have no potential to be at odds with someone to the point where it controls me is too serious and just impossible to live continuously in that way. And it's not really being honest with my own propensity to fail.It is difficult for me to trust myself, and as a result, I have adopted the attitude of being forgiving towards others as a general rule. However, I am not going to lower all my defenses and put myself in a vulnerable position just to prove that I am at a new level of peace and relaxation with myself. We are supposed to put our trust in Christ alone. So even if we never manage to forgive enough to feel that we don't have the anger that rises up in the memory of the wrong when we think about it, His forgiveness is still good enough for me to accept that there are some things I'm never going to be able to come to terms with, but He still accepts me anyway.I believe that the problem is that we want a solution because we are burdened by negative memories. We feel weighed down by the anger and hurt, and this causes us to feel like we are not good enough for God. However, we need to understand that Christ is not looking at our natural response to abuse. He sees us as worthy and loves us, even if we are angry. I think one of the problems we have is that we do not see God as our best friend. We think that God wants us to do certain things so that He can change us, when in reality He just wants us to be happy and healthy.When we get angry, we often lash out in ways that are destructive and hurtful to those around us. However, God is different in that He is holy and as a result, He doesn't allow us to get away with our sin like other sinners deal with us. We feel comfortable so we don't consider that they might be offended, because they deal with the sins we do. God is more interested in our being comfortable in His presence than our friends. If we could just learn to let go of our anger and love Him instead, we would be much happier and more fulfilled.It is more beneficial to talk to God about our anger and problems with other people than to confess that we are angry or hateful, as this is considered a sin. The main issue religious people have with God is that they want to act in a certain way in order to prove that they deserve His favor. However, God does not request that we act in any specific way. He simply wants us to come to Him, as we will never be perfect. We will always struggle with people pulling our strings and getting upset about things we shouldn't. And God is most pleased when we come to Him with other sins that we repeat over and over again.A lot of people think that God doesn't like it when we complain or act like we're hurt and in need. They believe that God becomes distant when we live in a way that isn't pleasing to Him. However, if we fail and start to enjoy our sin so much that we distance ourselves from other Christians and stop going to church, God will make us miserable and make us run ten laps. But God is actually most available for people who are always straying. He sees exactly what we are doing, and He is always there for us, even when we are at our worst.Although we may feel distant from God at times, He is not surprised or troubled by this. Rather, He would love for us to tell Him what we are going through and rely on His help to get through it. In fact, if we come to Him as we are, no matter how we appear to the people around us, we are more authentic than even those who are always doing the religious stuff. God wants us to be who we are. He wants to make us free, not good.