4465 When we are single, we often put too much pressure on ourselves to feel remorse for our sins and to see the value of remaining pure. The most important lesson we learn in life is when we fail. I am not saying that we should not take sin seriously, but our Christian lives should not be focused on a standard of conduct as much as on the person of Christ. This is something that goes beyond the inner struggle. This is having peace through Christ.It is often thought that the work of the Spirit and the moral life of a believer are not connected. However, this is not the case. In fact, struggling with lust and sorrow for years does not determine how we live in the love and faithfulness of God. Instead, it is through experiencing renewal in a revived spirit that we are able to live moral lives.I find it more comforting to think of myself as a person defined by my relationship with God, rather than by my particular sins. I think this is something we all need to find in God's ability, since our own ability to overcome sin is often too weak.Many people feel more secure when they are being defensive. This pattern of self-denial resembles a straight line more than anything else. I do not think that this is conducive to growth. We are supposed to be in a defensive position when resisting the devil, but that does not mean that we should only be focused on avoiding sin. We are designed to thrive in light of all of God's teachings. These things are important. One of the issues we have is that we tend to believe that what is average is good enough based on our own experience. Just because everyone around us practices a certain level of Christian conduct, does not mean that it is right for us.It is generally believed that the best possible position in life is to be deeply affected by the love of God. However, we are currently in a period of religious externalism, where we believe that any religious experience is merely emotional. I would argue that you can fall one day and the next day find a most holy affection by finding His grace as more than enough to take care of that sin. We often tell ourselves things that make us feel comfortable and secure, but just because we are defensive does not mean we are holy.However, all we are doing is avoiding temptation and replacing it with self-righteousness. We must wrestle with our affections without focusing on one area that will slow us down. It may seem like a marathon, but when we are under the power of the Spirit it looks like sprints and injuries.