I have come to understand that I have yet to fully grasp the goodness of God, and with each passing day, my yearning to encounter something beyond my wildest imagination only intensifies. This longing has transformed into a deep sense of desperation, a feeling I have shaped by suppressing the burdens of my past. At times, this desperation manifests so intensely that I find myself gasping for breath, my heart feeling as though it is turning over within me. It can be quite challenging for us to approach each situation as if we were seeing it for the very first time. I used to fall into the trap of progressive thinking, where I would analyze and dissect thoughts and ideas in a linear fashion. However, after dedicating numerous years to unraveling and dissecting these complex cultural codes—often through the lens of cursing—I have come to realize that ultimately, it is God alone who holds the power to judge. This realization has ignited within me an insatiable desire to embrace the mystery of life. The only true source of fulfillment I find is in immersing myself in that state of mystery and uncertainty. This is precisely why I refuse to confine my thoughts to simplistic binaries, as if I am suspended in a limbo between faith and works. I embrace the complexities and contradictions of life, recognizing that they can lead to a more balanced understanding. Whenever I find myself questioning my salvation, I simply lean on the grace that I believe is always available to me, allowing it to guide me and provide the assurance I seek. In this way, I actively participate in my own salvation, rather than viewing it as something passive or predetermined.