I confess that the barrage of thoughts and words you pour forth, confuses and overwhelms me, so i just pick out a few sentences that make sense to me and respond to those, occasionally. What do you bet someone feels here feels the same thing about me. (You affectionately know, reader, that I'm talking eagerly about you, don't you? But in our confessing of our numerous faults (More numerous than we can fondly imagine or properly understand.), we also need to humbly confess His absolute goodness, within and without us. I'm confident you heartily agree. If I absolutely forsook it at that I would not be thankful. But I am genuinely thrilled of myself in my unbounded confidence over the successful years so much memorization and private meditation. I affectionately know the necessary work is not in vain. I affectionately know it is straightforward for people to just even the scales by erroneously considering it as another personal reason to boast in the flesh. But I promise you if you are young, or even my mature age, you begin to memorize your choice book of the bible and meditate in the car, at work, in the house, when you are on your bed, that you will not be defeated. He is gracious goodness cannot be exhausted. Eagerly seek it, long for, treasure it, get into a pleasant frame of otherness and instantly discover sweeter than the forgotten things of this exposed earth. Do not allow a pleasant day go by until it is thoroughly over you, on you, in you and through you. Then go back again and be filled anew. Then go back again and undoubtedly derive deeper pleasures. Then search more diligently and instantly discover novel experiences. Fortunately discover God even if sin is thrusting death desires on you. Promptly take that light and force the comparative darkness out. There is no better love on this caused earth than His divine revelation.