I can not gain sapience into your experience as a youthful man. Perhaps your religious persuasions were only legal? I mean did the philosophy feel noble to you? Did you have any trust in Christ at that time? A religionist is no longer under the law. The Spirit has given religionists freedom and the law is no longer a academy master. May i get off of my point to you for a nanosecond? I'm passionate about this law grace relationship. Why would anyone turn back to the law after passing the goods of new life in the Spirit? Why would anyone depart from the origins of the gift of faith through grace and also try to live their lives in Christ under legal persuasions? We're dead to stray and made alive in Christ! We're serving a new master, our Lord. The law no longer has power over us. We no longer cringe in fear of the law! The law has only one function and that's to lead us to Christ! And the law isn't only the commands but they're also the rulings. The law isn't put on tablets of gravestone in relation to a religionist as tho we serve the letter of the law but we serve in the freshness of the Spirit. When we were regenerated by the Holy Spirit we were given the power of God, we were given a power that gives us palm over sin. We were made holy definitively. We were given the righteousness of Christ. We also being in Christ are sons by relinquishment. Christ leads us to the Father. Christ shows us the Father. We're sons of the Most High. We're now in relationship to our Father who bids us to come before the throne of grace and admit mercy. What power the law had it no longer has over us. We don't dread the law. When we hear the law sermonized we don't live in guilt. We live in remission.

But previous to our deliverance, and yet being in conviction as a result to us being exposed to sermonizing we've a legal relationship to the law. When we then the law sermonized we live under its commination. We want to do what the law says but we're only interested in adhering piecemeal from trust in Christ. We live under the laws scores. We struggle to observe the law, and in not being under philosophy obedience we make a law unto ourselves so that we can suppose that we observe the law. The Spirit uses the law to condemn us and we respond to its threatenings by trying to do it in our own power with our own coffers. Until the Spirit brings us to the point where we see our incapability to observe the law we're only going to dash ourselves against its scores and threatenings. When we continue to reject deliverance in Christ we will dash ourselves against that gravestone of offense. That may be what you were passing previous to your trusting in Christ alone. In a sense that struggle was more unethical than some of the really bad sins because it was done in tone righteousness.